Everything I know about being a semi-decent person I learned from Sesame Street. I can’t imagine how anybody could have grown up to be a well-adjusted person without having watched this show. Sharing, friendship, generosity, equality and the importance of rubber duckies, yo.
Recently, I watched Sesame Street and noticed that Bert and Ernie no longer lived together. “Oh, shit. What happened?” I thought to myself. Had Ernie been spending the money Bert paid him for utilities on something else? Had Bert been labeling everything that belonged to him around the house? These were my boys and I hated to see them get salty on each other like that.
Later I learned that enough parents had complained about the two dudes living together that they were forced to seperate. Bert and Ernie gay? You dicks. When I was five my DREAM was to live with my best frind. Matching beds. The whole deal. Who else was I gonna live with? A girl? I’m five! Gross! My best friend in kindergarten, Dan, and I had grand plans to live together in either a building made entirely out of pillows or what could only be descibed as a Tree-Mansion. Geez, I wouldn’t have wasted my time if I had known how GAY I was being.
Sure, we made jokes. We all made jokes. Because, really, wouldn’t they be a perfect couple? Ernie goes out to dance with Tinkey-Winkey while Bert stays home, drinks some wine and then dances in his room to The Smiths. Am I talking about an actual couple I know? Maybe.
Hell, if it was possible for puppets to be gay then I’d say have one that was. Imagine how many children would benefit to know that they aren’t freaks or perverts for feeling different. I’d be willing to bet that would save lives and millions of dollars in therapy bills. It’s just that puppets can’t be gay. Why? Because I’m a homophobe? No. Because they’re puppets, you dumbfuck. How many straight puppets are there on Sesame Street? One. Kermit. And who knows if that’s gonna last. Inter-species puppet dating can be stressful.
So, thanks conservatives who did this. Please remind your children that it’s because of them that you saw to it that Bert and Ernie couldn’t live together. I’m sure that’ll make them want to jump on your hate-wagon that much more.
Everything I know about being a semi-decent person I learned from Sesame Street. I can’t imagine how anybody could have grown up to be a well-adjusted person without having watched this show. Sharing, friendship, generosity, equality and the importance of rubber duckies, yo.
Recently, I watched Sesame Street and noticed that Bert and Ernie no longer lived together. “Oh, shit. What happened?” I thought to myself. Had Ernie been spending the money Bert paid him for utilities on something else? Had Bert been labeling everything that belonged to him around the house? These were my boys and I hated to see them get salty on each other like that.
Later I learned that enough parents had complained about the two dudes living together that they were forced to seperate. Bert and Ernie gay? You dicks. When I was five my DREAM was to live with my best frind. Matching beds. The whole deal. Who else was I gonna live with? A girl? I’m five! Gross! My best friend in kindergarten, Dan, and I had grand plans to live together in either a building made entirely out of pillows or what could only be descibed as a Tree-Mansion. Geez, I wouldn’t have wasted my time if I had known how GAY I was being.
Sure, we made jokes. We all made jokes. Because, really, wouldn’t they be a perfect couple? Ernie goes out to dance with Tinkey-Winkey while Bert stays home, drinks some wine and then dances in his room to The Smiths. Am I talking about an actual couple I know? Maybe.
Hell, if it was possible for puppets to be gay then I’d say have one that was. Imagine how many children would benefit to know that they aren’t freaks or perverts for feeling different. I’d be willing to bet that would save lives and millions of dollars in therapy bills. It’s just that puppets can’t be gay. Why? Because I’m a homophobe? No. Because they’re puppets, you dumbfuck. How many straight puppets are there on Sesame Street? One. Kermit. And who knows if that’s gonna last. Inter-species puppet dating can be stressful.
So, thanks conservatives who did this. Please remind your children that it’s because of them that you saw to it that Bert and Ernie couldn’t live together. I’m sure that’ll make them want to jump on your hate-wagon that much more.
