Psh. Turns out the only people who can dig through the center of the earth to China live in Chile and Argentina. Whatever. Who wants to dig a hole to China?

I did you FUCKER. Sure, it’s about as antiquated as chasing a hoop with a stick, but do you know how many hours I put into digging that hole as a kid? My parents were super pissed that I was digging up their garden, but that’s because they didn’t understand WHAT PASSION IS. Fuck, I was the Howard Hughes of digging through the center of the earth.  I’m sorry, what did you say? I could still dig a hole to China if I didn’t go through the center of the earth? Slack much? I’d rather give up altogether than do things half-assed.

And I did. I gave up. Not because of the whole antipodal issue, but probably because I decided I wanted to be a champion bullwhip-performer or something like that instead. Yeah, I’m a giverupper. That’s me. That moment was the beginning of a long history of giving up. Not a spaceman. Not a pirate. Not Michael Jordan’s best friend. I’m a big disappointment to childhood me..

But then again, I might have drowned when I reached the bottom of the Indian Ocean. So there’s that.

1 year ago